If you were to come to our house for a meal, you may hear this line: “Bless those we love and those we don’t.” These words are a regular part of grace for us. It began as an off-hand remark and has grown into a practice.

It is easy to pray for those I love and care about. When I offer words of blessing on their behalf, I feel connected to them and my heart is warmed. The trouble is, praying for those I’d rather not interact with also reminds me of my connection with them. This does not warm my heart. It reminds me of the pains and divisions in our society. It reminds me of my responsibility to love, to be kind. It reminds me of my part in whatever conflict I and the Other have. It re-humanizes this Other.
Jesus is recorded as saying, (translations vary) “Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who spitefully use you or persecute you.”

In a society saturated with dehumanizing messages, praying for my enemies is a corrective. The practice reminds me that the one I encounter on news or talks shows, on social media, at work, at church, is beloved. It reminds me that the masker/anti-masker, vaxer/anti-vaxer, republican/democrat in front of me is a complex, contradictory, holy mess, trying to do their best – just like me.

Praying blessing for my enemies frees me. It frees my mental space. I can spin, spin, spin when I’m focused on another’s Wrongs. I lose sleep. I have trouble focusing. I am grumpy. I am short with those I love and want to be close to. Being reminded of the humanity of the Other eases my mental spinning. Getting in touch with the humanity of the Other allows me to get some sleep and to focus on my own business.

Sending kind energy to those who have done harm frees me from the Other. When I am caught in anger, the person to whom my anger is directed has control over me. When I hyperfocus on what the Other is doing or saying, my actions begin to be in reaction to the Other. I lose touch with my truest self, doing or saying something I would otherwise not. When I shift my perspective to see the Other as a fellow messy human, I access my own humanity.

This practice, of blessing the one I perceive as Other, edges me toward compassion. And compassion is the birthplace of productive change and true healing.