I moved recently. One of my new neighbors engages in a Behavior which displeases me. When I become aware of their engagement in this Behavior, my blood pressure rises, I become tense, and I begin to fantasize various ways for them to Be Gone. I dream up how they could no longer be my neighbor.

Before I knew of this particular Behavior, I was open to getting to know them. We had a brief interaction which was pleasant and inviting. I thought, “Oh, they seem all right.” Then…

Then I experienced The Behavior. I neither enjoy nor approve of it. I’d rather not be present for it. I prefer not to hang out with people engaging this Behavior. I cling to the fantasy that my life will be made better if they (or their Behavior) would Go Away. In my mind, I am rejecting my neighbor before getting to know them. I am hardening my image of them, building a mental wall to keep them out. I convince myself that engaging with them would not be worth the effort.

I notice that I am hardening, and I can choose to be intentional about softening.

When I remember this Behavior is one of hundreds of behaviors this person engages in each day, that the sum of who they are cannot be reduced to a single act, I soften. When I remember their circumstances lead them to their choices, and that every behavior is an attempt to meet a need, I soften. When I remember there is more to the story than I know, I soften. When I remember my neighbor is a human being, doing the best they can, I soften.

As I practice remembering and softening, I move toward compassion. I become more open to relationship, and to the possibility of hearing their story, of being exposed to another perspective. I allow myself the possibility to learn from, and even be blessed by, my neighbor.

May it be so.